A Train between Fulton and 14th Street

Sixtysomething guy with flyaway white wisps around his mostly bald head and sixtysomething lady with short silver ringlets sit down extremely close to me on a nearly empty subway car, the lady’s lumpy Strand totebag full of groceries resting half on my lap.  They speak nearly simultaneously, overlapping each other with every other word.

Ringlets: What happened to your nose, you did something to your nose?

Wisps: I just scratched it a little there.

Ringlets: You need to put some of that what is it.

Wisps: BHP

Ringlets: No no no, V

Wisps: VHP.

Ringlets: No

Wisps: VHA

Ringlets: Yeah.

Wisps: VHA oil.  He says that’s the best oil for topical.

Ringlets: It’s also for the brain.

Wisps: And he says aspirin.

Ringlets: No no no no no no no we don’t take aspirin.  I saw that show.

Wisps: And what does he call it, roof

Ringlets: Rough

Wisps: Rough–roughage!

They burst out laughing.

Wisps: He says that and aspirin.  He had a show on thyroid, too.

Ringlets: And liver.

Wisps: He cured my thyroid, watching that show.

Ringlets: I saw that show.  I saw that show.

Wisps: I like listening to him.  It’s undepressing.  I know it’s nonsense but it gives you hope.  I couldn’t get out of the house this morning and

Ringlets: Oh sweetie sweetie

Wisps: But now I feel like I

Ringlets: Maybe we should buy you a VCR so you can

Wisps: No no no no I don’t want a VCR.

Ringlets: You can’t watch TV in the mornings, you have to tape it, you can’t watch TV in the mornings!

Wisps: All right all right I’ll turn it off!

Ringlets: Suzanne Somers should have a show.  She’d have a good show.

Wisps: After Oz comes on Inside Edition–

Ringlets: (horrified) You watch Inside Edition?

Wisps: No no no it comes on after, and after that is Anderson–

Ringlets: (even more horrified) Who’s Anderson??

Wisps: Anderson Cooper!

Ringlets: Oh.

Wisps: And who do you think his cohost was today? (hushed) Deborah Norville.

Ringlets: No wonder you couldn’t get out of the house.  You love Deborah Norville.

Wisps: I feel like Rain Man.  You remember Rain Man, he knew all the shows?  I’m Rain Man now.

Ringlets: You think you’re Rain Man.  You want to be Rain Man, but you have a job.  You have a J-O-B.  You’re not Rain Man.  You can’t be Rain Man.

Wisps: I wish I had watched that Inside Edition.  They were gonna have Kate Middleton.  I would have liked to have seen those shots.

They burst out laughing.

Published in: on September 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Do you make some of this up, or do you secretly record this conversations? 🙂

    • “These,” I mean.

    • I make up nothing. All blog posts %100 guaranteed verbatim overheard. I don’t use equipment, but I do discreetly transcribe.

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