Bowery and Bleecker

Sweet-voiced, sweet-faced 21-year-old boy and sharp-voiced, sharp-faced 21-year-old girl doctoring their coffees.

Boy: You know why human beings survive?  And prosper?  Running.  It’s the truth.  There are other animals that can run faster but none that can run for a longer period of time.

Girl: This doesn’t look good, what I’ve done.

Boy: Why?  What happened?

Girl: Too much milk.

Boy: That’s how we conquered them.  Animals would run away and we would chase them, run away and we would chase them, and eventually they’d get tired and we’d spear them.

Girl: That’s not true.

Boy: I know, I was surprised that we could outlast like a cheetah.

Girl: We don’t eat cheetah.

Boy: We eat wild boar.

Girl: You don’t chase down a wild boar.

Boy: You could.  Or a cow.

Girl: Cows don’t run at all.

Boy: Chickens–I mean turkeys, turkeys have a very high capacity to run away.  Every time I eat one of them I think, my goodness, long ago we would really have had to work to get our hands on this guy.

She shakes her sugar packet up by her ear, tears into it.

Boy: The music of the sugar packet.  Not to be confused with the racket of the tea bag.  (sighs) So yeah, I’m turned on by theater.  Theater, what’s so hard about that?

They go.

Published in: on November 19, 2009 at 6:22 pm  Leave a Comment  

36 Bus, N Broadway and Addison, Chicago

Halloween night, 10:30 p.m.

Three dudes, all friends, get on the bus: a corporate zombie, a corporate slasher victim, and a corporate robot with futuristic helmet pushed back on top of his head.  All in business suits.

First two dudes tap their cards uneventfully on the scanner.  Corporate Robot Dude can’t make his card read in the machine.  He dips the card once, twice, then loses it in the machine.  Corporate Robot Dude pitches a little fit and the driver waves him through.  He sits down across the aisle from his friends, agitated.

Corporate Robot Dude: Did you see that?  I just put five bucks on that thing like, recently.

Corporate Zombie Dude: You got a misread.  Sometimes you get a misread.  You gotta be ready to reswipe.

Corporate Robot Dude: I couldn’t reswipe, man, it ate my card.

Corporate Zombie Dude: It kept it?

Corporate Slasher Victim Dude: What’s he saying?

Corporate Zombie Dude: He says it ate his card that had five bucks on it.

Corporate Slasher Victim Dude: That’s bullshit.  He’s lying.  We should tell the driver on him.  He looks suspicious to me.

Corporate Zombie Dude: He does.

Corporate Slasher Victim Dude: I’m pretty much suspicious of everyone on this bus right now,  but especially this guy.  What’s he supposed to be, a robot?

Corporate Robot Dude pulls his helmet down over his face.  It has a voice altering microphone that makes him sound like a futuristic robot when he talks.

Corporate Robot Dude: (robot voice) Fuck you man, I’m a robot.

Corporate Slasher Victim Dude: Hey buddy leave us alone.

Corporate Zombie Dude: Stop harrassing us.

Corporate Slasher Victim Dude: No man, you can’t borrow my cell phone.  Back off.


Corporate Robot Dude: (robot voice) It’s a local call.

Behind them a guy in a black unitard and black stocking cap with four limp black balloons stuck to his head stands up, catches Corporate Slasher Victim Dude’s attention.

Corporate Slasher Victim Dude: (to Black Balloon-Head Guy) Sir, are you currants?

Black Balloon-Head Guy: What?

Corporate Slasher Victim Dude: Are you black currants?

Black Balloon-Head Guy: No, I’m postmodern expressionism.

Corporate Slasher Victim Dude: Word.

Chicago Halloween


Published in: on November 1, 2009 at 4:12 am  Leave a Comment